Monday, February 8, 2010

Did I Miss the Baby Gene?

A friend of mine got married several months ago. Soon after the wedding took place we spoke about how she and her husband were looking forward to becoming parents and were hopeful to become pregnant within the next year. I remember how happy and excited she was looking forward to their new life together.

Then today she shared with me that she experienced a miscarriage at the nine and a half week point in her pregnancy.

When she told me the news my heart immediately broke for her. I know that she will make an AWESOME mother once she is blessed with children. I am thankful that she is in a very good place with what occurred and knows that God has bigger things in store for her and her husband. To top it all off, her doctor is very optimistic that she should be able to conceive again.

Since I began blogging I have encountered many blogs by women who have documented their experiences with infertility and miscarriages. I can't read the blogs for long because I find myself saddened. I don't know if my sadness is for them or if it is for me...I have never had the desire to have children. I sometimes wonder 'Did I miss the baby gene when I was born?' because I don't understand the deep desire that many women have to have children.

From the time that I was a young girl I knew that I didn't want to have children. Even once I married my thoughts never swayed about that (very fortunate for me since my marriage ended before it really ever began). Interesting fact is that I really love children and people often comment how good I am with them. I have a wonderful 8 year old goddaughter who means the world to me and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do to protect her or for her well being.

Until about a year and a half ago I had been suffering for 5 years with a medical condition that had made my life so intolerable and unpredictable, and me, incredibly miserable and unhappy in the process. Since I was in my early thirties at the onset of my medical problems, my physician wanted me to wait until I was older to make a final decision about having a hysterectomy. When my medical condition finally got to the point that I had no other medical alternatives I proceeded with the operation.

Leading up to the surgery I wondered how would I really feel once the choice was no longer mine about not having children? What if I met someone and they really wanted us to have children together? I can honestly say that I have never had a moment of regret about my decision.

So, to answer my original question: Yes, I think I did miss the baby gene, but I also believe that someone more deserving than I received it instead.


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