I would like to say that I give people the benefit of the doubt. But I don't.
I would like to say that I trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them. But I don't.
I would like to say that I can forgive and forget. But I don't.
I can admit that I am one of the most difficult and complicated people that I know. To be honest, if I wasn't me I don't know know if I would like me.
One of the greatest gifts I have been given is my inner voice. It speaks to me on a daily basis, but many days I choose not to hear it. It is the voice of caution and reason that protects me from so many things that I am unaware of. Many times I don't understand the reason I am so guarded with my thoughts and feelings, but my inner voice does.
I want to believe that one day I can be a trusting and forgiving person, but my inner voice constantly tells me, and then shows me that this can never be.
And with this, I am fine.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Taking My Training On the Road
Since I started training with my team back in July, I have had the fear that I would get deployed to an assignment. About a week ago, my fears came true. I was deployed to El Paso, TX. At least I am still in the same state, but I am 10 hours from Dallas. So no way to continue my weekend training walks. Or at least I thought.
I finally got smart and decided to use the tools that the 3-Day website provides. I searched for other 3-Day participants in the El Paso area. I sent an email to two people that live in El Paso and are registered for the Dallas/Ft. Worth 3-Day Walk.
Fortunately, one of the two people responded to me. At first I thought that my work schedule would prevent me from meeting her, so I didn't respond. Then as the stars lined up, she called me! Little did she know that call was just what I needed.
So this morning I met Barbara and her sister Nancy and we walked 13 miles! Not only did I get a chance to do a longer walk, but I also met two wonderful women, got to see the mountains as I walked, and saw 2 hotair ballons float along in the sky.
Life is good!
I finally got smart and decided to use the tools that the 3-Day website provides. I searched for other 3-Day participants in the El Paso area. I sent an email to two people that live in El Paso and are registered for the Dallas/Ft. Worth 3-Day Walk.
Fortunately, one of the two people responded to me. At first I thought that my work schedule would prevent me from meeting her, so I didn't respond. Then as the stars lined up, she called me! Little did she know that call was just what I needed.
So this morning I met Barbara and her sister Nancy and we walked 13 miles! Not only did I get a chance to do a longer walk, but I also met two wonderful women, got to see the mountains as I walked, and saw 2 hotair ballons float along in the sky.
Life is good!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Training in the Rain
When I first signed up for the 3-Day walk, a fleeting thought crossed my mind that it could possibly rain the weekend of the walk. But I talked myself out of that happening by saying 'How could it possibly rain that weekend when we are walking to find a cure for breast cancer?'. (We'll have to wait and see what happens the weekend of November 6th!)
Well, I don't think I ever really thought about it raining the day of a training walk. And guess what? It happened not only once, but TWICE in one weekend!
When I awoke on Saturday morning I checked to see if it was raining outside. There was a light drizzle and the forecast was indicating pretty high percentages for rain during the hours of the training walk. And since I didn't have any rain gear, I thought it might be best not to walk. (I was also nursing a small foot injury so I really took this as a sign that I should stay in - smile!)
So along comes Sunday morning. And guess what? It wasn't drizzling like yesterday, it was really raining! Since I had only walked one other day this week, I felt bad (and I really missed training!) and decided that I was going to train in the rain today. So I packed my rain parka (yes, I purchased one yesterday in anticipation of the rain) and left for my training walk.
When I arrived there were other dedicated walkers waiting. As always, Debby (my team captain) was there with everything anyone needed that they might have forgotten to walk in the rain. She even met me at my car with an umbrella for me to sign in!
We started off the walk and things really weren't too bad. Everyone was in good spirits and we determined that this would be good experience and preparation in case it does rain during the 3-Day weekend.
A repeat walker from last year pointed out that last year they never trained in the rain and it didn't rain on the 3-Day either. I hope (and pray!) that this rainy training weekend is not a sign of things to come!
Nonetheless, I have come too far to let a little bit of rain stop me now!!!
Well, I don't think I ever really thought about it raining the day of a training walk. And guess what? It happened not only once, but TWICE in one weekend!
When I awoke on Saturday morning I checked to see if it was raining outside. There was a light drizzle and the forecast was indicating pretty high percentages for rain during the hours of the training walk. And since I didn't have any rain gear, I thought it might be best not to walk. (I was also nursing a small foot injury so I really took this as a sign that I should stay in - smile!)
So along comes Sunday morning. And guess what? It wasn't drizzling like yesterday, it was really raining! Since I had only walked one other day this week, I felt bad (and I really missed training!) and decided that I was going to train in the rain today. So I packed my rain parka (yes, I purchased one yesterday in anticipation of the rain) and left for my training walk.
When I arrived there were other dedicated walkers waiting. As always, Debby (my team captain) was there with everything anyone needed that they might have forgotten to walk in the rain. She even met me at my car with an umbrella for me to sign in!
We started off the walk and things really weren't too bad. Everyone was in good spirits and we determined that this would be good experience and preparation in case it does rain during the 3-Day weekend.
A repeat walker from last year pointed out that last year they never trained in the rain and it didn't rain on the 3-Day either. I hope (and pray!) that this rainy training weekend is not a sign of things to come!
Nonetheless, I have come too far to let a little bit of rain stop me now!!!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Did I Really Want to Know?
Do you ever find yourself asking someone a question that 1) you already know the answer to or 2) don't really care what their answer will be?
Although I believe that I am a very self aware person, I feel it is important to solicit feedback from other people from time to time. I found myself faced with this age old question yesterday while 'speaking' with a friend online. To be honest, I didn't know if this friend would be honest with me or not. So I took a chance and threw a question out there to see what would happen.
I think he jumped at the chance to tell me what I could do differently in romantic relationships. (Note: He is a work in progress and I have a much longer list for him if he ever wants to know how he can improve...but that is another topic for another time!) He came up with two things: stop being so (actually he typed 'sooooooooooooo') defensive and be a little more understanding.
Since I didn't know what he meant about being defensive, I asked for an example. Although he provided an example I didn't think it was a very good one. But, since I had asked the question (or maybe I was beginning to pick option #2 from my original question to you) I decided this wasn't the time for me to critique his example. I later determined that his example was accurate (see option #1) but 'defensive' was the incorrect noun to use.
Once we finished IM'ing I did take time to think about what he shared. And guess what? I was already aware of the things he shared with me so it wasn't any type of big revelation. But it did kind of hurt to know that someone else views these things as shortcomings of mine. Now the question is 'Do I really want to change?'.
Although I believe that I am a very self aware person, I feel it is important to solicit feedback from other people from time to time. I found myself faced with this age old question yesterday while 'speaking' with a friend online. To be honest, I didn't know if this friend would be honest with me or not. So I took a chance and threw a question out there to see what would happen.
I think he jumped at the chance to tell me what I could do differently in romantic relationships. (Note: He is a work in progress and I have a much longer list for him if he ever wants to know how he can improve...but that is another topic for another time!) He came up with two things: stop being so (actually he typed 'sooooooooooooo') defensive and be a little more understanding.
Since I didn't know what he meant about being defensive, I asked for an example. Although he provided an example I didn't think it was a very good one. But, since I had asked the question (or maybe I was beginning to pick option #2 from my original question to you) I decided this wasn't the time for me to critique his example. I later determined that his example was accurate (see option #1) but 'defensive' was the incorrect noun to use.
Once we finished IM'ing I did take time to think about what he shared. And guess what? I was already aware of the things he shared with me so it wasn't any type of big revelation. But it did kind of hurt to know that someone else views these things as shortcomings of mine. Now the question is 'Do I really want to change?'.
Walker Stalkers
Walker Stalker: A person who supports and follows Breast Cancer 3-Day Walkers while they are on training walks and during the actual 3-Day event.
This past weekend I had the opportunity to meet another one of my team's Walker Stalkers, Ronni. Ronni showed up during one of the breaks on our training walk. I thought she just stopped by to say 'Hi' but little did I know there was much more in store!
Once we started walking again, Ronni rode down the street and tooted her car horn and waved at us. (Of course this caused other driver's to join in on the fun!) Then on one of the side streets she pulled over and had banana's and smalls bags of chips for us! (Remember, we have to keep our energy up) And just after I finished eating my banana and was wondering what I was going to do with the peel, Ronni showed up AGAIN and took our trash!
I later learned that Ronni and her 2 children will be Walker Stalkers during the 3-Day for my team. Ronni was so apologetic that she hadn't been out to see us during the training walks due to her work schedule. And get this...this was her first Saturday off in months and she decided to spend a portion of it raising our spirits during the training walk! She also shared that last year she put 300 miles on her car being a Walker Stalker and traveling along the route with the team.
When we were almost at the end of the training walk, Ronni showed up again...this time with popsicles! And no, I did not have one. I have heard the the 3-Day is a 'walking buffett' and I am trying not to eat my way through the training walks or the 3-Day.
Our other 2 Walker Stalkers, Cheryl and Cheryl have been at all of the training walks walking right along with us. I have had the chance to 'walk and talk' with both of them and they shared wonderful information about what to expect along with helpful hints.
I am so appreciative of the Walker Stalkers for my team. Thank you Cheryl, Cheryl and Ronni for making us feel special and giving so much of your time - we couldn't do this without you!!!
This past weekend I had the opportunity to meet another one of my team's Walker Stalkers, Ronni. Ronni showed up during one of the breaks on our training walk. I thought she just stopped by to say 'Hi' but little did I know there was much more in store!
Once we started walking again, Ronni rode down the street and tooted her car horn and waved at us. (Of course this caused other driver's to join in on the fun!) Then on one of the side streets she pulled over and had banana's and smalls bags of chips for us! (Remember, we have to keep our energy up) And just after I finished eating my banana and was wondering what I was going to do with the peel, Ronni showed up AGAIN and took our trash!
I later learned that Ronni and her 2 children will be Walker Stalkers during the 3-Day for my team. Ronni was so apologetic that she hadn't been out to see us during the training walks due to her work schedule. And get this...this was her first Saturday off in months and she decided to spend a portion of it raising our spirits during the training walk! She also shared that last year she put 300 miles on her car being a Walker Stalker and traveling along the route with the team.
When we were almost at the end of the training walk, Ronni showed up again...this time with popsicles! And no, I did not have one. I have heard the the 3-Day is a 'walking buffett' and I am trying not to eat my way through the training walks or the 3-Day.
Our other 2 Walker Stalkers, Cheryl and Cheryl have been at all of the training walks walking right along with us. I have had the chance to 'walk and talk' with both of them and they shared wonderful information about what to expect along with helpful hints.
I am so appreciative of the Walker Stalkers for my team. Thank you Cheryl, Cheryl and Ronni for making us feel special and giving so much of your time - we couldn't do this without you!!!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Double Digit Training Walk Weekend
I knew that one weekend it would happen and this was the weekend: back to back double digit Breast Cancer 3-Day training walks!
Throughout my training for the 3-Day I believe that I have been discounting how far I walk. When family and friends ask me 'How miles did you walk today?' my usual response is 'I only walked X miles today'. The 'only' part comes in because typically my answer is 1 or 2 miles more than I walked the previous weekend. So in my mind I only walked 1 or 2 miles more than I did the previous week.
Being the visual person that I am, I had to figure out what these training miles really look like. This morning as I drove from my house to the training walk I calculated the mileage on the odometer in my car. It was 15 miles. The training walk yesterday was 14 miles. And at that moment I had a visual of what the miles really look like...a far distance!!!
Under normal circumstances I wouldn't even think about walking 14 miles for something. And believe me, there are lots of 'somethings' out there that I would like to have (a new car, jewelry, a Sprinkles cupcake), but the thought of walking 14 miles for it would keep it on the the 'Nice To Have One Day' list. But once I started training for the 3-Day, I never stopped to think about the training miles. I only thought about doing something for a cause that I have always supported, and that participating in this walk is the least that I can do to help find a cure for breast cancer.
Back to the double digits...today's training walk was 10 miles to make a grand total of 24 miles walked this weekend. Yep, that is a lot of miles. Next time someone asks me about my training miles I will leave the 'only' part out!
Throughout my training for the 3-Day I believe that I have been discounting how far I walk. When family and friends ask me 'How miles did you walk today?' my usual response is 'I only walked X miles today'. The 'only' part comes in because typically my answer is 1 or 2 miles more than I walked the previous weekend. So in my mind I only walked 1 or 2 miles more than I did the previous week.
Being the visual person that I am, I had to figure out what these training miles really look like. This morning as I drove from my house to the training walk I calculated the mileage on the odometer in my car. It was 15 miles. The training walk yesterday was 14 miles. And at that moment I had a visual of what the miles really look like...a far distance!!!
Under normal circumstances I wouldn't even think about walking 14 miles for something. And believe me, there are lots of 'somethings' out there that I would like to have (a new car, jewelry, a Sprinkles cupcake), but the thought of walking 14 miles for it would keep it on the the 'Nice To Have One Day' list. But once I started training for the 3-Day, I never stopped to think about the training miles. I only thought about doing something for a cause that I have always supported, and that participating in this walk is the least that I can do to help find a cure for breast cancer.
Back to the double digits...today's training walk was 10 miles to make a grand total of 24 miles walked this weekend. Yep, that is a lot of miles. Next time someone asks me about my training miles I will leave the 'only' part out!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Reached My Fundraising Goal!!!
A big 'Thank You' to everyone for donating to assist me to reach the $2300 fundraising goal in order to participate in the 3-Day walk!!! You have not only helped me to achieve a personal goal but to also help find a cure for breast cancer.
Now all I have to do is concentrate on training and getting getting mentally prepared for the 3-Day Walk!
Although I have met the minimum fundraising goal, you can still continue to make donations for me or to my team mates that are below their fundraising goal. Again, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all of your donations!!!
Now all I have to do is concentrate on training and getting getting mentally prepared for the 3-Day Walk!
Although I have met the minimum fundraising goal, you can still continue to make donations for me or to my team mates that are below their fundraising goal. Again, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all of your donations!!!
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