Monday, September 7, 2009

Did I Really Want to Know?

Do you ever find yourself asking someone a question that 1) you already know the answer to or 2) don't really care what their answer will be?

Although I believe that I am a very self aware person, I feel it is important to solicit feedback from other people from time to time. I found myself faced with this age old question yesterday while 'speaking' with a friend online. To be honest, I didn't know if this friend would be honest with me or not. So I took a chance and threw a question out there to see what would happen.

I think he jumped at the chance to tell me what I could do differently in romantic relationships. (Note: He is a work in progress and I have a much longer list for him if he ever wants to know how he can improve...but that is another topic for another time!) He came up with two things: stop being so (actually he typed 'sooooooooooooo') defensive and be a little more understanding.

Since I didn't know what he meant about being defensive, I asked for an example. Although he provided an example I didn't think it was a very good one. But, since I had asked the question (or maybe I was beginning to pick option #2 from my original question to you) I decided this wasn't the time for me to critique his example. I later determined that his example was accurate (see option #1) but 'defensive' was the incorrect noun to use.

Once we finished IM'ing I did take time to think about what he shared. And guess what? I was already aware of the things he shared with me so it wasn't any type of big revelation. But it did kind of hurt to know that someone else views these things as shortcomings of mine. Now the question is 'Do I really want to change?'.


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